Bewilderment, non acceptance, tears.
The “wait a minute” moment…
Realising a lot of your life has been a lie, fighting battles with your mind and body that you were never going to win.
Losing friends, relatives, jobs along the way, now starts to makes more sense
Anger, frustration, shame and guilt, with immense uncertainty going forward.
Questioning and reliving numerous past events; relentless rage and grief at a life lost.
Existential dread and profound identity crisis; if I’m not the person I’ve tried to be, then who am I now, and going forward?
Continues to dwell on the past, whilst simultaneously worrying about the present and future.
Rinse and repeat.